A breakup epidemic spread quickly among the senior class earlier this year. Over ten couples broke up in just over two weeks. But, it seems these situations are not ones specific to those in the Slounge.
Various causes can lead a couple to break up – especially those dating in the uncertainty of high school. The important thing to recognize is that high school is a time of self-discovery, and growth, and oftentimes, a time where you’re forced to embrace discomfort. No matter how unique an experience may seem, the important thing to note is that you are not alone. Many others walk alongside you and have set the path for you, but it may be difficult to see these sources during the moment.
I reached out to seniors and interviewed them on their experience dating in high school and got a few pieces of advice for your consideration. Though each situation is different, with four years of experience the seniors are sure to be honest and help you however they can.
The first senior I interviewed was a victim of the previously mentioned breakup epidemic. However, it became clear that, while mourning the loss of her relationship, she reached important realizations about herself and was forced to reflect on what led to such an unhealthy relationship. I began by asking a simple question about what it was like dating in high school. Taking a moment to reflect, she sighed and responded, “Honestly I think it’s nice because it kind of wastes time.” At my confused expression, she smiled and clarified, “It gives you something to look forward to on the weekends and even the weekdays. Also,” She laughs to herself, “it’s just fun. It creates drama that kind of excites your life. Not the fights of course, but when you guys first start talking.”
Following this, I wanted to know more about what her thought process was following her most recent breakup. What did she regret? Was there anything she wished she had known before? Her response was immediate and rather serious as I posed the second question. “Oh, yes,” she said “I wish I completely didn’t date my first boyfriend. I wish I had higher standards and knew that it was going to happen at some point and I didn’t have to rush anything and feel pressured to date.”
Taking this into consideration, I began gearing the conversation more towards what led her most recent relationship to end. I wanted to understand if what was breaking all of these couples up was a shared experience specific to high school and if it was avoidable. Though the answer was vague, there were numerous lessons underlying it. She explained, “I wish I had listened to my mom and I think it’s especially important to talk to a parent about stuff like this because when they did something and I felt like I couldn’t tell my mom, I knew it was bad. Honestly, I only broke up with them because I knew my mom wouldn’t like them anymore.” She took a moment before continuing, “I knew it was the right decision afterward because my mom taught me I shouldn’t have been treated like that.”
I asked her one final question about if she had any advice for those currently dating or considering dating in high school. She took a few moments to think before answering, “One thing I realized and a lot of other people helped me realize after me being in a relationship that could be classified as toxic, or even abusive, was how this could really happen to anyone. A lot of people were surprised or shocked that it happened to me and I realized that, no matter how strong-willed or confident you are in yourself, you don’t realize how bad it is [until] you talk to someone.”
Following the interview, I felt like the flaws of dating culture in high school were beginning to bubble to the surface. I wanted to understand if the pressure felt in high school to date had anything to do with the normalization of unhealthy actions in relationships. If there was a rush to find anyone and to claim them as “the one”, did that mean that, in the process, we excused the poor behavior of the person we are dating? Does the desire to have the label of a relationship blind us to what a relationship is meant to look like?
I reached out to another senior for another take on these questions, and dating culture. Her breakup also occurred during the same two weeks as fellow seniors. Though it was still a sensitive subject for her, she was open to the questions I asked, and eager to speak on her experiences.
I started the interviews the same by asking what it was like to date in high school. She immediately responded with a sigh followed by, “I would say it’s complicated.” After a moment she said, “You’re at kind of a weird in-between stage where you can have really strong feelings for someone but you’re also still a child. I mean you live at home, you still go to school and live under your parents’ roof, so you can’t always do what you want. […] It makes relationships more challenging.”
I asked her to reflect on her four years and how that impacted her relationships or if it added any extra challenges to her experience dating in high school.
She took another moment then said, “Freshman year it was like, ‘everyone’s in a relationship, why aren’t I in one?’ and I wish I would’ve known it would come – like, the right person will come. I also wish I knew not to compare my situation to other peoples.” When asked about how the pressure of that environment affected her relationships she responded, “I wouldn’t say it pressured me to enter a relationship but definitely to want to be in one.”
Following this, I zeroed in on her recent breakup. I wanted to be sensitive, recognizing that it was still something of an open wound. To my suprise, she willingly opened up about her experiences. She began by stating how rough her breakup had been and how she’d had to face numerous challenges leading up to it. “It’s really hard going through this in high school. Especially because it’s the end of something so intense and emotional, and you have to keep putting your best foot forward. Especially as a senior, I have applications, classes, friends, and family to show up for while I’m going through such a tough time. It was so challenging in the beginning, and still is.”
She spoke with almost a longing tone I couldn’t place, and I wanted to understand if she carried the same sense of regret the first senior I interviewed did. However, when I asked her if she would do anything different or if she regretted her previous relationship, the answer was a “No” that carried zero hesitation. She went on, “I think relationships are worth it – even if they end badly.”
I wanted her to talk more about wanting to repeat an experience that was such an emotional strain. Was this specific to the mind of a high schooler – someone who is so new to this and so naive when it comes to dating? Or, was this something we all needed to remember as we grieve what we lost so young?
I asked her if she wished she had known anything prior to entering her relationship, and she responded by talking about how much of a commitment it is at such a young age. “You’re so committed to another person, especially in a more serious relationship. When you’re spending so much time with another person it means that you’re also spending less time with other people or things – like, family, friends, or schoolwork. Relationships are not something to enter into lightly, you have to choose someone you really care for.”
Following this interview, my own perspective on dating stayed the same – kind of.
I couldn’t understand if the pros outweighed the cons. Sure, dating in high school is meant to be a process of learning to care for and love another person, but at what expense? Even as I talked to seniors who were forced to go through the tragedy of teenage heartbreak, the regrets they had weren’t the relationships as a whole, but were lessons they wished they had learned sooner. Is there any way to prevent these bumps in relationships, or was it something inevitable everyone has to go through? All in all, through the breakups, I learned, can be written off as lessons, in my view such a simplistic statement disregards the excitement and emotional investment that accompanies the relationships.
As we approach the holidays, it seems the breakup epidemic has left a multitude of people by themselves for Christmas this year. But, according to the seniors, this could be a time to focus on those in front of us, rather than those behind us. Rather than thinking of what or who we wished we had to spend the upcoming holidays with, we could hold tighter to who we have. The time you spend growing into who you are meant to be is just as important as people make dating in high school seem.
